So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
