I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
