And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
