What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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