I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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