Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
