Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.

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(847): View more from Illinois

She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again

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(931): View more from Tennessee

He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.

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(410): View more from Maryland

still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..

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(678): View more from Georgia

So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in

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(61): View more from Australia

not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk

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