im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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