The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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