so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
