She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
