I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
