does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
