I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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