I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
