smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
