This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
