Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
