put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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