Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The best revenge is premature balding
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
