i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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