what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
