MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
