I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
