ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
