it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
