If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
