My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
