I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
