my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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