i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
