you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
