btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
