ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
