The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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