you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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