Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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