And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
