Someone shit on the floor
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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