i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
