How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
