and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
my liver is dry heaving
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
