Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
