come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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