Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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