I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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