I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
