i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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