Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
