there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
